99 Cartwright Avenue
Toronto ON
M6A 1V4
Mr. Jamie Lougheed
Head of Admission
Greenwood College
443 Mt. Pleasant Rd
Toronto ON
M4S 2L8
Dear Mr. Lougheed
I have been attending Sterling Hall School for 4 years and I am proud to be at this school. I am a house captain at Sterling Hall. We have already met and really had a good time talking to you. Greenwood is my first choose because of the entire out door activities you have. Greenwood is helping the community around them. My application is in for grade 9. Greenwood is my 1st choice because I really enjoy the out door activity and help when I need it.
When I came to SHS in 2004 I brought more help in French class when my friends need help in it. I hope to make Morrison house win the Ferris cup 3 times in a row. I have brought spirit my house with other captain Marco. I have now a little buddy Matthew who was my book buddy and now he and I have a good relationship together when I see him in the hallways.
If I come to Greenwood I will bring Free the Children movie day. Which a student will bring $4 in for a snack and a drink. $2 dollars will go to free the children and other $2 will go to pay for the drinks. I will also bring house spirit to whatever house I’m in. I also hope to do a toy drive for Eva’s place that will help homeless children feel good on Christmas morning.
I think I would to be a great part to Greenwood because really enjoyed Temagami trip and other outdoor trips. Greenwood helps a lot with community around it. Greenwood has lots of sports and I like having choice of what sport I can play. So I believe that greenwood would be the school for and that’s why Greenwood is my 1st choice.
Sincerely,
Alex Parker
Monday, December 10, 2007
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1 comment:
Alex
Put your own address
FIRST paragraph
maybe put four instead of 4.
you said really had a good time talking to you in the middle you should put I before really.
When you say greenwood is my first choose it should be choice.
You say greenwood is your first choice two different times i think you should add it in to one.
SECOND paragraph
You come to the fact of helping people in french to fast i think. I also think you should tell them that you were so good in french because of The Toronto French school before SHS.
I hope to make Morrison win, but it was past so you should put hoped. or are you trying to say you helped them 3 years in a row.
In between spirit and my you should put to.
you should put a comma in between together and when because it is a very long sentence
THIRD paragraph
tell the that you will try to bring these things like the movie day because they might not let you. SO you should be asking them in a way.
CONCLUSION
Explain to them what temagami is and what you did.
Every school has lots of sports so tell them why you like there sports and which ones your into
Parker your letter is pretty well written
Just try to change these things as much as you can and want.
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